Fall funk?

It is fall!!!!  However, it feels like the dead of summer in Florida right now!  It's been weird HOT weather and NO wind, which is unusual for here and it has brought out the gnats which are super annoying!  Even though so many things are amazing in our life right now, so many things are annoying me and I have a lot of concerns for close friends and I've never wanted a year to get over in my life. 2020 sucks so bad!  I can't wait for the election and COVID to be OVER!!!  

I woke up feeling refreshed this morning, but.......

Yesterday, I was questioning my beliefs, my values, my passions, pretty much everything!  I have ALWAYS loved old people but yesterday, I did not have patience with my patients who could not hear and could not follow directions so that I could help them with their exercises.  That led into me questioning my career path forward and how I'm getting older and may not want to be a PT into retirement, but then what else am I going to do?  If I'm changing because of the work load, there is NO way I would want to sit, because even sitting here typing this, my back does not like me.  I really can't sit for longer than about 30 minutes.  It was doing a bit better but is flared up because of tennis and then I go into questioning my activity level and maybe working out less would be a good idea......who the hell am I???  

I was wishing that I did not have empathy, that thing that everyone tries to teach and show their children. I always thought my parents did a great job with that and they put me in situations with disabled people early in life and talked about their lives with such empathy. But oh my gosh, right now, if I could stop feeling for others, that would be helpful.  

I was even questioning friendships and connecting, which is just not like me.  I was wishing that I had just a few close friends instead of so many so spread out all over the world.  I want to be there for all of them, be a good friend, be a good Aunt, be a good daughter, be a good sister, and be a good wife, but what happens if I just start not caring as much???? Start doing what I want to do instead of what I think I should do?  

Eating healthy, going to bed early and waking up early, tending to my plants, keeping the house clean, working hard, getting my steps in, responding to texts, calls, videos, messages in a timely manner, enjoying happy hour and wine, being present with my husband, having a nice dinner, even taking a shower, I seriously questioned everything yesterday, but as I am writing this, I am realizing I am super grateful that is a routine that keeps me happy 90% of the time and we all have off days. 

 

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