Auntie Angie's List

You know when you just have one of those weeks that nothing seems to go right? I think it was that my expectations were not being met. I thought I would already have my own patients by now with my new home health company. I thought we might be going to Maui this Friday for our anniversary because the military finally lifted the travel ban for interisland, but Dustin's command hasn't decided on anything yet.  I also have a friend going through a difficult time in her marriage and things were getting ugly.  I was also already frustrated at the fact I was being forced to do way too many hours of orientation for a PT with 20 years experience and my preceptor was correcting me on little things that didn't need to be corrected.  I just wanted my OWN patients, I miss SO much helping to improve the quality of life for my patients.  We had a Start of care cancel last minute because they went to the ER when I was supposed to be checked off on it so I could see my own patients and then many more issues were coming up with work this week that were so frustrating. So, finally after schedule mishaps and miscommunications, I was finally able to do a start of care on our neighbor on Tuesday who had specifically requested me, although they made me go out with another PT to do it, which was frustrating.  My patient inspired me with her determination despite a diagnoses of an inoperable brain tumor, which she had told me about so matter of factly when I first met her on our decks during the early COVID weeks.  See, she was the ONLY neighbor here who reached out to us and made us feel welcomed during this strange time.  I felt lucky to have her as the first patient I would follow here in Hawaii and I looked forward to helping her.  I teared up a little when her husband said that her goal was to get strong enough to come outside to be able to talk to me. I was set to see her on Thursday, but her husband said she was having a bad day.  Late on Thursday night, we heard the ambulances and sirens and went out to find she was headed back to the hospital.  About half an hour ago on Friday June 19th our anniversary, we were headed to the beach when we saw they were loading her hospital bed into the medical van.  I picked up my phone to call her husband and I saw a text from him that she passed today about 2 pm.  It's hitting me very hard because I feel like I could have done more.  I should have done more. Not that I could have saved her, but maybe just talked to her more or told her how sweet she was and how after spending just a few visits with her, I was inspired by her positivity.  I did tell her husband that, and I hope that somehow she can feel what I am feeling for her right now. I don't think she would want me to sit here and sulk on our anniversary, so we are going to try to go celebrate life and our anniversary, and toasting to her.