Wow, when will this be able to occur again!?? Families from four different states packed into a 15 passenger van!? Those kinds of thoughts keep creeping in, despite my focus on the positive. When will I be able to hug someone other than Dustin (good thing he's a good hugger!)? When will I be able to play with all my nieces and nephews, both blood related and non? When will I be able to go to an assisted living to see a patient without being afraid for their lives? When will be able to get on a plane to see our family and friends? When will we be able to host people in our new home that we love so much? When will be able to get out and truly explore our new home? When will be able to go to a movie and go out to eat, have a BBQ or party, meet friends for a hike or beach time? When will we be able to dance in a group again? Attend a wedding? Go swimming in a pool? Play doubles tennis? Go to a brewery or a winery to meet new friends? I know, I know, all these problems seem VERY insignificant when you compare them to losing lives, being confined to hospital rooms for weeks, or a hotel in Guam without any human interaction, not being able to come home to your family in fear of infecting them, not being able to pay rent, or not having an answer about unemployment or small business loans. Insignificant as they are to the BIG picture, they are still my thoughts, I own them, and it always helps to write them down. I have an enormous amount of empathy (I wonder where that comes from? Are you born with it or is it taught?) towards what people are going through. I think of the less fortunate every day. I act on that by calling them, communicating somehow, making others feel good the best way I know how. I share pictures of the good times, quotes from my Positivity book, songs that move me, I filled out a volunteer application for a local charity, I applied to two more PT positions, but is this ALL enough? I have a hard time ever feeling like I am doing enough. I want to help more, I want to do all these crazy ideas in my head for fundraisers, for helping burned out parents, for helping the elderly. All these thoughts get jumbled up in my head on a daily basis! I'm sure if you have made it this far in reading this, you are feeling the same way I do. BUT I don't want to set the bar too high either, because then I have a feeling of disappointment in myself if I don't meet it. I want to feel like I accomplished good things every single day and most days I do feel that. I am learning to appreciate the down time, but it's going to take more work! I am very excited that I have arugula seedlings that sprouted this morning, thanks to all the calls I've had with my Mom on teaching me what to do. Cross the fingers, the basil will be coming up next! I've always needed something to look forward to with hope and joy and I think I'm totally turning into my mother!!!
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